The Road to Hell...stops in Norway

I have been waiting a long time to work on my Europe trip blog entry!  Please enjoy part one, complete with ~*photos*~ Fancy, fancy.

 My first solo trip!  Ok, not solo solo, but the flying bits.  The navigating bits, all me.  Two weeks, Oslo, Milan and Hellfest.   I left on June 9^th, go to Milan early on the 10^th, at sometime.  Here’s some advice- never go to the Malpensa airport.  Seriously.  Let me just say, chaos is only fun for about five minutes when you’re trying to catch a plane and the help desk assistant’s English is terrible and he’s rude and it’s two hours until the plane leaves (that’s the cutoff for checking in internationally!) and OH GOD WHERE DO I CHECK IN?!  I made it to Norway, still sick from MDF, coughing up a storm (sorry, other passengers) oh, and cold and wet.

Nazi tank firing range at the WWII memorial

 Aside from the fact that it was cold and rainy every day (in Norway, who knew?), the first leg of my trip was such a blast.  I cannot thank Jon Anderson (Jardar, ex-Old Man’s Child) enough for taking in a strange, loud American and showing her Oslo’s best.  One day was dedicated to all Norway history stuff.  We saw the Vikingmuseum, the house where the Constitution was written, a WWII memorial, complete with mass graves and a former Nazi tank practice firing range, a pre-Viking burial mound…  All of this was incredibly fascinating of course.  What I found odd was the could making out under one of the Norwegian statues.  I’m a historian and even I don’t feel so inclined to get my groove on near statues of Founding Fathers… In between all the driving around (since Jon doesn’t live in Oslo proper), Jon pointed out famous metal people’s houses and told me funny stories about Old Man’s Child history.  Normally, I think riding in a car sucks, but Norway is so incredibly beautiful…I could watch those mountains for days.  The downside to Norway?  Midnight sun.  This is no joke.  Midnight in Oslo looks like 10 am in Florida.  I tried closing the blinds, pulling Jon’s enormously thick goose down comforter over my head (for the poor, freezing tropical child), nothing helped!  I kept the weirdest hours, waking up at 4 am, thinking it was close to noon.  I took naps.  On vacation!  It’s like a cardinal sin.

  

The view from the top of the mountain.  Ooooh, ahhhh.

 The other day was dedicated to climbing a huge mountain.  One half mile straight up, which might not be much for Jon, but I 66 feet above sea level and Jon’s town is 880 feet above sea level at its most flat.  Jon promised me there was an ‘excellent trail.’  What would have been a ‘decent’ trail was actually a rushing river.  I mean, half the country’s roads were flooded when I got there.  Imagine what a trail would look like.  Excellent trail to a Norwegian means “oh, there’s some markers and the path might be clear.”  I had to jump over fallen trees and fight rouge sheep in the trail.  Alright that’s a lie, but sheep don’t need to be fenced in in Norway and they are all over- the woods, the trails, the roads.  Luckily, Jon harnessed me to his dog, and trusty Marve pulled me up the mountain.  The whole climbing ordeal probably took hours longer than need be, and I was soaking wet and covered in mud the whole way.  Little kids

The marsh and the...slightly setting sun.

  This was taken at about 9 pm.

and old women were passing (and probably laughing at) my sad, huffing, puffing, chubby American self. Exhausted, sweaty, gasping for air, I finally climbed the look out and surveyed the…holy. Shit.  Gorgeous.  Miles and miles of trees and lakes and mountains.  This is the kind of stuff I live for; to see the world’s beauty.  Thank you Norway.  After seeing a “moose crossing” sign every two miles, for the final night, Jon took me on a moose expedition.  Although we didn’t see any moose, it was nice to soak up more of GORGEOUS Norway.  For our final trip, we drove across a tightrope, up into the mountains once more. I watched to golden sun dip…behind the mountains as Jon and I sat next to a marsh, eating Twix (to spite George Castanza). 

Now, before you ask, no we didn’t get to go to Helvete (pouring rain), or Bergen (7 hours by train, longer by car, roads flooded).  But, the trip was still amazing.  Jon’s convinced I’m the first Floridian to see the top of the Fjellsjøkampen mountain.  I chased sheep.  Jon's neighbor has a tank in his yard.  I saw fucking Viking ships and dead Viking bones.  I saw the land that inspired an entire generation of Black Metal. So, cheers and the biggest thanks to Jon for sharing his home and dogs with me and keeping me well fed.  

Sadly, my only moose sighting was this
toy moose that "Old Chinese ladies and
you buy, you tourist."

Norway <3  

Tune in soon for Adventures Part 2- Milan and Hellfest!