Damian Master: A Pregnant Light
Damian Master boats an impressive resume, including Askumite, Body Stocking, Secret Creation and his most recent work with A Pregnant Light. He's also the brains behind Colloquial Sound Recordings, who release tons of awesome stuff on cassette. (Or you can hear/buy it on Bandcamp if you're like me and don't have a tape player). His 2014 A Pregnant Light release, My Game Doesn't Have a Name gained attention from sites like Steel for Brains, Noisey, Pitchfork, etc. What better time to chat with Damian then?
Hey Damian! Because you’re the selfie king, I think you should send a selfie to get this started.
DM:
I just noticed- and this is weird- but there are no pictures of your mouth. You've always got angles going on or something in front of your face.
I have a normal mouth! I just always know a cute selfie angle.
Speaking of selfies, APL started off as something of a secret...can you explain the shift from mysterious to revealing?
It started off like this thing I was doing parallel to some other projects I was in and I didn't want one to inform someone's concept of the other...so I was never truly anonymous. I had my face published a long time ago in an interview.It was just sort of a non-issue issue. where i started to take issue with the "anonymous" thing is when I saw having an anonymous black metal bedroom project became very much "a thing." I really hated that and thought it was super corny. Basically, I didn't want allure or mystique to cloud the music. In many ways. So, I made it transparent. It's way more difficult and raw to bear yourself like that, than it is to be a ghostlike vapor.
When you say "mysterious black metal," are you referring to Myrkur and that ilk?
Not in particular. It's not a unique thing. Almost everyone does it. I understand why the woman in Myrkur wanted to be anonymous. She's in another band that's nothing like it. But of course, the public's taste for what they deem to be "important truth" will always make this difficult for people to just make something and not have it traced back to them. It's hard. That's why I just thought it was easier and bolder to stand tall. But I'm not speaking ill of any other band in particular, or their decision to remain anonymous.
We scheduled this interview around the playoffs, so Super Bowl predictions for this year?
I cannot get enough of how the Hawks are playing. I think they're great on every level. I love an exciting secondary, and of course they have it. I'm a Chiefs fan, die hard, so I was excited to see Denver fall. I like Brady, and I think he and Bellichick have the experience over Indy.
So, I believe Seattle and NE can't be beaten at home. Especially with Rodgers' calf and Luck's inexperience. Ultimately, even though I think Brady is a bad ass and I think Belichick is one of the best coaches ever, I would like to see Seattle come out again.
Besides APL, you’re also in a ton of other bands. How do you manage the writing process? How do you know when a riff is an APL riff or an Askumite riff, for example?
It's totally abundantly clear to me. That's not a great answer. But APL certainly has it's own feel. Aksumite just has that fast and raw feel. Some of my other bands' it's more difficult. Like, I am the primary songwriter for Known Abuser and Prison Suicide. Both are hardcore bands and sound pretty similar, but I think that's a good thing. I'm in so many bands. I'm an artist though. It's not as hard as you would think, but also in some ways it's very hard. I try not to write for a project. I try to write and see where it fits.
I read in other interviews that you’re working on becoming more well-read. What have you been enjoying lately? Have you found that reading more has changed your writing process?
That's one thing that sucks about interviews, hahaha, you'll have to back up what you say! I've been reading Yeats, which doesn't really enhance my writing, because it's more about the emotion. It's teaching me how to develop a cadence better. I don't like "poetic" lyrics. I don't want to hear a band say "when I look into her eyes, i knew i shall see things prevail" or whatever corny things metal bands say. Only Shai Hulud can get away with those kind of lyrics. They can have a song called "Two and Twenty Misfortunes" and I'm cool with it, but everyone else suckkkkkks. I have been picking through some Henry Miller. That's about it. Same, sluggish. My progress, not Miller.
Oof, Henry Miller?
Yeah. I don't know. A friend said I should check him out. I like his work ethic.
I'm trying to think of authors I could recommend to you, but I think our interests are polar opposites in that regard. I do adore Steinbeck though. And Fitzgerald...and I just finished a book by Donna Tartt called The Secret History that was very Fitzgerald-esque. You might like the main character, he's very brooding, haha
I am starting to think that I need to read like, Hallmark cards or something. Maybe Dr. Seuss. I need less brooding and devious destruction in my life.
OK Then, avoid Secret History. APL’s lyrics seem really personal and heartfelt- and you write a lot about human sexuality...do you draw inspiration from your personal experiences?
Yeah. For sure. It's a lot of emotion. It's a lot of feelings. These are some of the most powerful feelings we have. I don't see them represented in underground music too much. It's embarrassing to talk about for some. There is fear of being shamed. I have all those same fears and worries. I just want to make good music. That's all I care about.
I just noticed- and this is weird- but there are no pictures of your mouth. You've always got angles going on or something in front of your face.
I have a normal mouth! I just always know a cute selfie angle.
Speaking of selfies, APL started off as something of a secret...can you explain the shift from mysterious to revealing?
It started off like this thing I was doing parallel to some other projects I was in and I didn't want one to inform someone's concept of the other...so I was never truly anonymous. I had my face published a long time ago in an interview.It was just sort of a non-issue issue. where i started to take issue with the "anonymous" thing is when I saw having an anonymous black metal bedroom project became very much "a thing." I really hated that and thought it was super corny. Basically, I didn't want allure or mystique to cloud the music. In many ways. So, I made it transparent. It's way more difficult and raw to bear yourself like that, than it is to be a ghostlike vapor.
When you say "mysterious black metal," are you referring to Myrkur and that ilk?
Not in particular. It's not a unique thing. Almost everyone does it. I understand why the woman in Myrkur wanted to be anonymous. She's in another band that's nothing like it. But of course, the public's taste for what they deem to be "important truth" will always make this difficult for people to just make something and not have it traced back to them. It's hard. That's why I just thought it was easier and bolder to stand tall. But I'm not speaking ill of any other band in particular, or their decision to remain anonymous.
We scheduled this interview around the playoffs, so Super Bowl predictions for this year?
I cannot get enough of how the Hawks are playing. I think they're great on every level. I love an exciting secondary, and of course they have it. I'm a Chiefs fan, die hard, so I was excited to see Denver fall. I like Brady, and I think he and Bellichick have the experience over Indy.
So, I believe Seattle and NE can't be beaten at home. Especially with Rodgers' calf and Luck's inexperience. Ultimately, even though I think Brady is a bad ass and I think Belichick is one of the best coaches ever, I would like to see Seattle come out again.
Besides APL, you’re also in a ton of other bands. How do you manage the writing process? How do you know when a riff is an APL riff or an Askumite riff, for example?
It's totally abundantly clear to me. That's not a great answer. But APL certainly has it's own feel. Aksumite just has that fast and raw feel. Some of my other bands' it's more difficult. Like, I am the primary songwriter for Known Abuser and Prison Suicide. Both are hardcore bands and sound pretty similar, but I think that's a good thing. I'm in so many bands. I'm an artist though. It's not as hard as you would think, but also in some ways it's very hard. I try not to write for a project. I try to write and see where it fits.
I read in other interviews that you’re working on becoming more well-read. What have you been enjoying lately? Have you found that reading more has changed your writing process?
That's one thing that sucks about interviews, hahaha, you'll have to back up what you say! I've been reading Yeats, which doesn't really enhance my writing, because it's more about the emotion. It's teaching me how to develop a cadence better. I don't like "poetic" lyrics. I don't want to hear a band say "when I look into her eyes, i knew i shall see things prevail" or whatever corny things metal bands say. Only Shai Hulud can get away with those kind of lyrics. They can have a song called "Two and Twenty Misfortunes" and I'm cool with it, but everyone else suckkkkkks. I have been picking through some Henry Miller. That's about it. Same, sluggish. My progress, not Miller.
Oof, Henry Miller?
Yeah. I don't know. A friend said I should check him out. I like his work ethic.
I'm trying to think of authors I could recommend to you, but I think our interests are polar opposites in that regard. I do adore Steinbeck though. And Fitzgerald...and I just finished a book by Donna Tartt called The Secret History that was very Fitzgerald-esque. You might like the main character, he's very brooding, haha
I am starting to think that I need to read like, Hallmark cards or something. Maybe Dr. Seuss. I need less brooding and devious destruction in my life.
OK Then, avoid Secret History. APL’s lyrics seem really personal and heartfelt- and you write a lot about human sexuality...do you draw inspiration from your personal experiences?
Yeah. For sure. It's a lot of emotion. It's a lot of feelings. These are some of the most powerful feelings we have. I don't see them represented in underground music too much. It's embarrassing to talk about for some. There is fear of being shamed. I have all those same fears and worries. I just want to make good music. That's all I care about.
To an extent, I won't censor what I feel. I may not be explicit, or specific, but also I don't want to cloud things in bad metaphor. Or, really, any metaphor. Most of the things that seem like metaphor in the APL lyrics aren't. They're actually true. That's what separates me. I like that. I don't want to be singing about dragons, or fantasies, or some re-hashing of a brutal or grizzly story that I read about.
My life is interesting enough. At least to me, and I think if you think you have a dull life, or nothing within yourself to say, than you shouldn't say anything. Even fiction writers reveal themselves through their work.
I like that and I think it represents a lot of cool things about the intersection of masculinity and music. I'll probably have to sleep on that for a while to dig up the theoretical phrasing, but I think that's cool and masculine in a way that's more real and relate-able than dragons or rehashing gore movies.
APL is very masculine. I'm very much a heterosexual male. I think I'm very manly. I like to be tough. I also think there is something more than being a dumb meat head. My music is very pretty at times, a lot of the time. But I'm a big brooding, pissed off heavily tattooed guy. I just express myself though music. My loves, my angst, my fears, my hopes.
APL is very masculine. A few astute ones have picked up on it, like yourself. It's powerful, yet at the same time, it doesn't get some respect from people because they think it's femmy or faggy or whatever. But they don't know how to handle me because I don't fit into the sensitive artist mold.
So many people are alarmed when they find out that I like sports, and detest things like craft beer and the culture that surrounds it.
I just don't fit into what they think someone writing sensitive songs should be about. They want me to be a wounded Morrissey type figure. Shy and bashful. That's not my style. Although, musically - it's pretty soft. Relatively speaking to like, Marduk or something. Marduk rules, btw.
You’ve been open about your love of Madonna, even covering a Madonna song- which Madonna album most influences you?
Hard to top her first record. Self titled. '83. Like A Virgin of course is amazing. Ray of Light is what got me into Madonna. I liked her a lot as a kid, my mom played her around the house and in the car. I think at one point everyone had a copy of "The Immaculate Collection" on CD in the 90s. But I got into Ray of Light when I was into music, and worked backwards and have been following her ever since. I love her first record. It's perfect, but she's gone onto so many great things. It's like, when I hear so many bands that just listen to dark music, or the music in the genre they create, I wonder if it taints their product. Like, every dude in a metal band is like "But I also like Death In June and Throbbing Gristle."
Yeahhh... ok fair enough. but it's still coming from a dark place. I like to think that some light helps me cut through the dark and delivers a better end product. no one can call what I do "cheery" or "pop" but it informs a lot of my music. I'm a punk and metal musician. I like other forms of music, but I can't create them. So many people just emulate what they love. Don't get me wrong, I love metal and punk, but I would never start a pop rock band or anything. Death to the Foo Fighters.
That makes sense, and I would think it also makes you a more well rounded musician, having listened to a wider spectrum of genres. How did your major back surgery (and literal brush with death) change the way you approached your outlook on life, especially with regards to music?
Hmmm... it didn't really. It just gave me a kick in the backside to realize that life may be taken away from me. It changed my work ethic more than anything. Some people live though traumas and have revelations. My traumas are personal and internal. I would have been at peace dying in that moment. Or, staying dead, rather. But I'm glad I came back. I'll be ready to go to the other side whenever the reaper comes calling.
I love so many facets of life, but I'm hardly in love with life. If that makes sense. So, in the mean time, I'm going to keep working really hard to get as much done as I can. Live fast, die young, leave a great looking discography.
That actually seems like a pretty healthy approach. And you do have pretty album covers and whatnot.
Thanks!!!! I like my aesthetic. I'm always tweaking it.
I follow you on Twitter and you’re not shy with the self-praise...there's nothing wrong with that of course. How do you think ego plays a role in releasing music?
I mean, this is where people shut off. This is where people turn the dial. They want musicians to be these humble, Kurt Cobain guys. Sensitive and deprecating. Man, Kurt was the best, but he was also a damn rock star and he knew it. Courtney has said that before that people had him pegged as this soft little poet, but he wrote heavy music and was a heterosexual male. You know? What I'm saying is, I believe in me.
I mean, this is where people shut off. This is where people turn the dial. They want musicians to be these humble, Kurt Cobain guys. Sensitive and deprecating. Man, Kurt was the best, but he was also a damn rock star and he knew it. Courtney has said that before that people had him pegged as this soft little poet, but he wrote heavy music and was a heterosexual male. You know? What I'm saying is, I believe in me.
I have to be my biggest fan. I love my music. It's the stuff that I live for. Of course I love my music. Why wouldn't I? If someone praises something they work so hard on, they get pegged as an egomaniac. Look at Kanye West. Demonized always. But he's pushing forward. He's learning as he goes,but he's never losing sight of what he is. What he can do?
I make the best music. I love it. I want everyone in the world to love it. It's not exclusionary. I wish I was on a big label that could push me. It's not about money or fame. It's like, I have something cool to say that a lot of people would hopefully identify with. I'm singing about real life. Real shit. Not fantasy. Not bad metaphors.
I have such passion for what I do. It's all that matters to me. I obsess over every detail. People want to demonize me. I'm trying to make music that is so awesome everybody likes it. But it's like I said earlier. I'm a punk and metal musician. I won't ever have that pop-star crossover success. But I believe that a lot of writers or press don't know what to do with me. So they just brush it aside. It's hard to write about me. It's easy to write about cascadian black metal or whatever the fuck that is.
No one wants to put in the hard work. I put in the most work. Not saying others don't work hard, they certainly do. But I'm shooting for the top. Why not? Like Russell Wilson's dad used to tell him when he was coming up playing baseball and football. 'why not you, Russ?" Now look at him. He's a 5'10" QB with a super bowl ring playing on his rookie contract. So, why not, Damian? Why can't you elevate your music to the next level. I believe in my product.
No one wants to put in the hard work. I put in the most work. Not saying others don't work hard, they certainly do. But I'm shooting for the top. Why not? Like Russell Wilson's dad used to tell him when he was coming up playing baseball and football. 'why not you, Russ?" Now look at him. He's a 5'10" QB with a super bowl ring playing on his rookie contract. So, why not, Damian? Why can't you elevate your music to the next level. I believe in my product.
So how then do you balance ego with improvement?
Because I'm never truly satisfied. I have to walk away at a certain point. I love the Andy Warhol idea of making art. You just do it, and let it be a thing and move on. But there's more to it than that. APL is the place to micro-examine things. Aksumite or whatever... that's the place to just cut loose. I love my record and I'm so proud of it, but I can't just rest. I have to keep going, and try and top it.
What’s your favorite release (or which, besides APL, would you most recommend)on your label, Colloquial Sound Recordings?
I like your caveat! You know I would recommend my record!
I like your caveat! You know I would recommend my record!
I do know, which is why I put it that way, haha.
My favorite thing on CSR is Vestal Virgin. Total sleeper project. It's like the prefect mix of noisy post punk and black metal. "World Dies Laughing" by This Station of Life is pretty damn perfect too.
You’re in MI, I’m from MI, so we know what’s up but…if someone were to visit you from out of state, where would you take them to show them a good time?
My favorite thing on CSR is Vestal Virgin. Total sleeper project. It's like the prefect mix of noisy post punk and black metal. "World Dies Laughing" by This Station of Life is pretty damn perfect too.
You’re in MI, I’m from MI, so we know what’s up but…if someone were to visit you from out of state, where would you take them to show them a good time?
Hmmm. There are a load of really good vegan-friendly restaurants in Grand Rapids. So, lots of those. A great thai spot as well. I don't know. ahhaha. There is a big microbrew culture here, and I detest that. Everyone comes here for breweries. But we have the best record store in the state Vertigo Music. So, if someone came, it would be lots of good food and record shopping.
I'm not real outdoorsy. I'll drop them off at the beach.
What’s the significance of purple- where did the “purple metal” tag come from?
It's a beautiful, rich, vibrant color. It's a way to divide myself from others, but it also comes from my heart. I'm from Manhattan, Kansas. Home of Kansas State. Their colors are purple and silver. So, I always equated the color purple with strength and pride.
I love monochromatic black metal, but I'm not that, and the tag didn't fit. You know? I'm not Satanic Warmaster, so I shouldn't be billed as such. So, Purple Metal became a thing. And even though people scoff at it, no one has come up with a better descriptor. I'm also convinced that people don't know what shoegaze music is. Sometimes I get that tag, and I'm like, "REALLY?"
It's a beautiful, rich, vibrant color. It's a way to divide myself from others, but it also comes from my heart. I'm from Manhattan, Kansas. Home of Kansas State. Their colors are purple and silver. So, I always equated the color purple with strength and pride.
I love monochromatic black metal, but I'm not that, and the tag didn't fit. You know? I'm not Satanic Warmaster, so I shouldn't be billed as such. So, Purple Metal became a thing. And even though people scoff at it, no one has come up with a better descriptor. I'm also convinced that people don't know what shoegaze music is. Sometimes I get that tag, and I'm like, "REALLY?"
APL is definitely one of the most unique bands currently out there. Now that you’re gaining steam (and have a sort-of line up), what do you think is next for APL?
I'm working on putting together a live show. I'm not sure what it will look like. I would like to continue gaining steam. I'd like to work with a bigger label, a label that can back up my artistic vision and help give me some tools to empower myself. I'm not asking for the keys to the castle, I just would like to be a part of something that exposes what I do to people. We live in an interesting time in music, I can do anything through the internet, but you reach that glass ceiling. Someone almost always has to let you through. I'm just trying to make enough noise to break through.
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